Which one is better: lying and hurting everyone or hurting ourselves and not damaging a lot of people? I don't know.

The truth is: I don't want to hurt anyone, even though I have always hurt anyone. The thing is: even though I've always hurt anyone, I don't want to hurt myself worse than hurting anyone. I know it's selfish. It's bad. It makes me a bitch.

About this, I don't want to lie to them too much. I don't want they to find out and see me as a disappointment because of what I do. I don't want my mother to look me in the eye and says that she has told me not to do so but I ignore her. I don't want to lose contact with you and your family forever. I want to stay as your family, your friend, your best friend.